The Birds and the Bees

May 30, 2012

Connor: I wish I had more watermelons in my teetee.
Me: Watermelons? Haha. Do you want me to tell you the scientific name for them? Testicles.
C: Testicles?!? Oh. What are they for?
Me: Umm, well, they are for when you get older.
C: Well, does that mean I have little brains in my teetee?!? I don't know what they are. I don't know if they are miniature peanuts in my teetee. I don't know if there are footballs in my teetee. I don't know if there are eggs in my teetee.
Me: Well, actually a mother has eggs in her body. I have eggs inside my body.
C: You mean you are a bird? That must be why I can fly and glide!
Me: (laughing) No, I am not a bird.
C: A reptile?
Me: Neither one.
C: Ohh, so a mom has eggs and then they hatch inside of her and a baby comes out.
Me: (still laughing) My eggs don't hatch into babies. When an egg is fertilized, it grows into a baby.
C: (laughing) I just don't understand what are you saying? Why can't you just agree with me that you are a bird? You are so crazy, Mom.

Acapulco

May 10, 2012

"I can't believe that I sang my song in Acapulco."

(He meant a cappella.)

Zero Calories

May 10, 2012

At the dentist, Connor was talking to Ms. Connie while she was cleaning his teeth.


Connor - I have had zero calories before in my teeth. I brush really well!
Ms. Connie (laughing) - Is that right? Zero calories.

Super Powers II

May 6, 2012

Mom - What would Ethan's super power be?
Connor - Well, he would poop, and then a cage would come out. Throw-up lasers and poop cages.

Super Powers

May 6, 2012

Connor - Mom, if you had a super power, what would yours be?
Mom - Hmmm. I don't know. What would yours be?
Connor - Mine would be telekinesis. I want the ability to move things with my mind.