The Birds and the Bees

May 30, 2012

Connor: I wish I had more watermelons in my teetee.
Me: Watermelons? Haha. Do you want me to tell you the scientific name for them? Testicles.
C: Testicles?!? Oh. What are they for?
Me: Umm, well, they are for when you get older.
C: Well, does that mean I have little brains in my teetee?!? I don't know what they are. I don't know if they are miniature peanuts in my teetee. I don't know if there are footballs in my teetee. I don't know if there are eggs in my teetee.
Me: Well, actually a mother has eggs in her body. I have eggs inside my body.
C: You mean you are a bird? That must be why I can fly and glide!
Me: (laughing) No, I am not a bird.
C: A reptile?
Me: Neither one.
C: Ohh, so a mom has eggs and then they hatch inside of her and a baby comes out.
Me: (still laughing) My eggs don't hatch into babies. When an egg is fertilized, it grows into a baby.
C: (laughing) I just don't understand what are you saying? Why can't you just agree with me that you are a bird? You are so crazy, Mom.

Acapulco

May 10, 2012

"I can't believe that I sang my song in Acapulco."

(He meant a cappella.)

Zero Calories

May 10, 2012

At the dentist, Connor was talking to Ms. Connie while she was cleaning his teeth.


Connor - I have had zero calories before in my teeth. I brush really well!
Ms. Connie (laughing) - Is that right? Zero calories.

Super Powers II

May 6, 2012

Mom - What would Ethan's super power be?
Connor - Well, he would poop, and then a cage would come out. Throw-up lasers and poop cages.

Super Powers

May 6, 2012

Connor - Mom, if you had a super power, what would yours be?
Mom - Hmmm. I don't know. What would yours be?
Connor - Mine would be telekinesis. I want the ability to move things with my mind.

Identical Cord

April 28, 2012

Connor - One day, Ethan had his identical cord pulled out at BabiesRUs.

Mimi - Do you mean umbilical cord?

Breakfast

April 13, 2012

Me - Good morning, Connor. It's time to get up. What do you want for breakfast?

Connor (just waking up and groggy) - I want some "go back to sleep" for breakfast.

Love Hurts

April 12, 2012

(Connor crawled in my lap while I was still eating dinner to give me a big hug.)

Me - Oh, Connor, easy. I just ate and my stomach hurts. Oh, and your chin is digging into my shoulder, too.

Connor - Well, what can I say? Love hurts!

Easter

April 12, 2012

"Mom, on this Veggie Tales movie, the queen's name is Esther, NOT Easter. Don't get it confused."

Ninjas

April 10, 2012

"I want to learn Japanese, so I can become the Green Ninja. Because ninjas usually begin in Japan."

Black Widow Spider

April 10, 2012

Connor - One time I saw a black widow spider. And I killed it and saw its guts.

Me - Well, if you ever see a black widow spider again, you need to walk away because they are poisonous.

Connor - Well I tried to walk away, but I saw it and I just knew I had to die it.

Deviled Egg

April 8, 2012

Lori - Connor, what would you like to eat?
Connor - Well, I'll start with a DareDeviled Egg.

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Quesadilla Mountains

February 26, 2012

Connor was studying the state of Washington in our Geography lesson. He said, "There are 2 mountain ranges, the Olympic Mountains and the Quesadilla Mountains." (He meant the Cascade Mountains.)

Lactose Intolerance

March 26, 2012

Conversation about drinking milk...

Jason - I can't drink milk. It makes my stomach hurt. It has something called lactose in it.
Connor - Is that kind of like garlic toast?

POTUS

February 26, 2012

Connor - Who was President of the United States when Dad was born?
Me - Well, let's look it up. What year was Dad born?
Connor - Umm... 1913?

Groundhog's Day

February 2, 2012

Me - Today is Groundhog's Day!
Connor - Oh! We need to go see Papaw Chris!
Me - (pause) What do you mean?
Connor - We need to see him, because it's Grandpa's Day.

Laugh Bomb

January 30, 2012

(laughing) "Dad, a laugh bomb must've gone off. I can't stop!"

Mad

January 23, 2012

"You better not get me mad. When you get me mad, the mad part comes on!"